Sorry it took so long to get back ... you know I'm really just an airhead! :)
Yeah, it hurts to hear of the situation with (your husband). I want you to know that I am behind you in this. I understand so much of where you are coming from ... and the hurts you have been dealing with. I don't know that (he) is even thinking in terms of not wanting the "marriage to continue" ... I would think he is too busy being caught up in trying escape his own ghosts. After all, why do we do what we do? Most of the time all we think is that "this is what I need right now!".
I know that "the gospel" just doesn't seem to have any bearing on what is going on in your life, huh? But it does. Do you know what it has to say to you right now? It tells you that there is freedom right in the midst of all the crap you're going through. It tells you that there is different reality that you cannot see with your eyes or smell with your nose or think with your logic or hear with your ears. Now, is this reality true? Only if Jesus did what He said He did. I tell you this ONLY as GOOD news. You may not THINK you are free, but you are. You may not FEEL like a child of God (yeah, like I know what it feels like to feel like a child of God), but you are. Do not be afraid ... for no one can truly hurt you!