Hello Jim, Thank you for your devotion to God & being available for us. I'm telling you, I'm just so knocked off course this morning. How do you remain rooted so strongly? I wish I could realize that way of life. Anyway, that neighbor man who was "bothering" me knows I'm moving out of town and has been relentless in coming after me, day and night. I know that my past life of being abused and broken apart mentally has left me feeling defenseless against some authority figures. I wish I could realize Jesus as "the" Authority figure, ya know? A nice Authority figure, as opposed to a scary, mean one. My son went out the door to go to work yesterday and said to me, "Mom, be strong in the Lord." I guess he discerned my anxiety. But I thought, "I AM strong in the Lord... cuz He is strong and I am one with Him." Right? But I was trembling in fear and walked down to the liquor store and bought a small bottle of brandy to steady my nerves. And of course, seeing that my son wasn't at home, that neighbor man rapped loudly on my door, as usual. And like always, I felt to fight him in my own strength and "wit". And once again, I lost. Sorta. Physically I won, but emotionally I did not. I'm ashamed and wrecked today. I hate my doubting and my fear and everything else about me that keeps casting a shadow onto Christ Jesus. I really hate myself today. I don't wanna be a bad testimony. He deserves better, right? Does God really understand my fear? Or is He disgusted about that? Thank you for listening. In Him, T
Hello dear T,
How do I remain rooted so strongly? I can tell you that if you were to get inside my head you'd realize that I don't feel so strongly rooted much of the time. It is in the weakness of my flesh that I have come to realize that I have no true strength, that HE is my strength. That is not a testimony to some kind of an ability on my part to stand firm, but in having given up on trying to stand in the delusion of strength. What I'm suggesting to you is that your own realization of the futility to stand against this man leaves you with no option other than to know where your life REALLY resides. Also, if you have no real strength in your flesh, know that this man has no real strength either. His attacks, though they may scar your flesh, cannot scar who you really are in Christ. See both yourself, as well as this man, according to real life. What is considered something in this world is considered nothing in God. Remember, this God who considers this world as nothing is your very life. Maybe you lost according to fleshly perception, but not according to God. Be not ashamed.