Wow, thanks for such a fantastic response. :) I love to see the reality of Christ making such an impact in you! The meltdown you have referred to is a wonderful thing ... really!! :) Until you come to the place where you question the whole thing you are living in a Pollyanna world where you're always trying to put the best face on it. Unfortunately, we have not only been taught an awful lot of garbage under the label of Christianity, we have brought in basket loads of our own!!
When you question the whole thing then it comes down to simple propositions: ~ It is either is true or it is not ~ Christ is either the life of the believer or He is not ~ It is either a miraculous life or it is merely a facade.
What a wonderful thing to discover that what Christ did has changed everything forever.
Yes, the whole crown thing with its system of rewards has little to nothing to do with the mentions of it in the Bible. I'm glad that it is disturbing to you. I did a series of Shoveletters dealing with the issue of Rewards a while back ... I think it was before you were receiving them. Check 'em out here: Judgment Seat of Christ & Rewards
Thanx so much for writing! It means an awful lot to me.