I am afraid that if I don't understand then how can I truly trust ... I mean, what if my confusion is because I am trying to see something that only exists in "my mind" because I am trying to understand through human wisdom. What if Christ's wisdom is totally different, totally beyond whatever I thought!!! Then, all of my fear, and confusion has no basis.
There are issues that still crop up in my own mind (with the usual attached fears) and yet for me to trust him is not brought about by me getting things figured out. I can't tell you that I always feel confident, but I can tell you that I have been left without any other option than Christ and the confidence found in him ... for everything else keeps falling away. You asked about becoming Christ-aware, and I guess that pretty much sums it up for me. It's not that there aren't other factors that have come into play, but they have all been overwhelmed by the reality of him.