Excellent to make your cyber-acquaintance. Wow, I'm glad you found the site, I love your honesty in the telling of your try-harder-syndrome, and I am glad that you are tired of trying!! Religion is a hard taskmaster because it plays off our fears and insecurities and pride and shame. It increases exponentially with our attempts to master it so that it always masters us. Unfortunately, there are many who think they are mastering it, when, in fact, it is mastering them.