Well I KNOW none of this has any real meaning any more, and yet there is still that overwhelming 'sense of rejection.' How and why - can I 'feel' rejected! -It's as if they were saying they were better than me because of 'what they were.' Well I KNOW better than this, so why would I 'feel rejected'. anonymous
Do not be discouraged by the fact that these feelings creep up and bother you in spite of what you KNOW, instead receive them as real-life blessings! Haha ... you're probably thinking, "BLESSINGS!!?? Is he kidding??!" :) Truthfully, I have come to understand myself in view of true life so much more because of stuff exactly like this. Emotions reveal way more of what is going on inside you through what you're going through than any intellectual knowledge ever could. It's not that there's anything 'wrong' with such knowledge ... it's just that without life such knowledge ends up as little more than brain clutter that only puffs that old noggin up. :)
I used to assume that being "strong in the Lord" would mean I should feel strong, and believe me I often did NOT feel strong. Worse yet, I felt ASHAMED for not having enough faith or spirituality. Funny how we assume being "strong" in the Lord means we have to be strong when in fact the one who penned those words also made it abundantly clear that his own strength came through weakness. Interesting, don't you think?
It's as if they were saying they were better than me because of 'what they were.'
As if, huh? :) I would almost count on it. There is a fundamental drive to make oneself look good at another's expense. Religion is not only NOT exempt from this drive ... it is built upon it. Maybe no one was specifically targeting you, but the mindset is nevertheless founded upon a NEED to establish itself above all others. Yes, yes, there is a need to have someone, even as many as everyone, to be less than you in order to establish the sense of superiority. After all, if there is no one below or beneath you then you are above no one. This dynamic is part of all empty human relationships.
The rejection you have felt is attached to lingering perceptions built upon that old lie. Those feelings are only exposing the earlier embedded "values" that helped make this old world keep spinning in its cycles of degradation. It's going to hurt when it is being demanded that you are inferior, less-than, below, beneath, of no value, etc. The good news is that the feeling brings focus and clarity to the specific manifestation of the lie's insistence. You are put in the most wonderful place of recognition of the life Christ, as it is being demanded that even in this exact place where condemnation once held you have you been set free!! These wonderful feelings pinpoint or undercover those former places of fear, shame, guilt, and condemnation, etc so that you are being made aware of how all-encompassing this reality of life in Christ really is!