1 Jan 2002

I've hit a brick wall when it comes to my own healing

Submitted by theshovel
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Thank you so much for writing back. It is encouraging to hear from another brother who knows, not only, where his life is NOT found, but where it IS found. For there is none in anything or anyone else. :)

One thing I haven't seen on your site though is a teaching about healing. Since you invited me to ask you questions I'm going to take you up on it. I can pray for people to be healed and see miracles, but when it comes to receiving my own healing I hit a brick wall. Ive asked the Lord why but I've gotten no concrete answer. Any insight on this? I know Jesus promised healing to all believers but for some reason, I just cant get it to work for me, and frankly the pain is getting to be too much to bear.I havent said what my physical problems are because they are many, but I am convinced from reading your material that Jesus is alive and well and living in you, therefore I will be anxiously awaiting your reply. Anonymous

Though I have seen some incredible answers by our Father in physical healings I am convinced the true healing of Christ has much more to do with that which we cannot see ... and is often missed because we put our hopes on the body that day by day keeps getting older and weaker. I have lived for 48 years in relatively good health, but am married to a woman who has learned to live with so many afflictions the whole time we have been together that it hurts to have experienced it with her. Even though I often asked God why she had to suffer, and would have changed it if I could, there is much of the grace of life we have experienced together that would have not been otherwise seen. The disappointments of my life have shaped more of what I have learned of God's grace than anything else.

In saying you "just can't get it to work" for yourself sounds like someone else I have come to understand: the apostle Paul. For here was a man who had somehow been afflicted ON PURPOSE by God Himself through the agency of Satan! It was because of the incredible revelation he had received of the grace of Christ that God gave him this gift. And Paul begged God repeatedly (I'm told the word "thrice" had that sense to it) to take this thing away from him. You know what I have come to sense about this man, Paul? That he was just like you and me! He gradually came to learn through his afflictions that God was all that he needed.

And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for POWER IS PERFECTED IN WEAKNESS.' 2 Corinthians 12:9

I have come to love the letters Paul wrote to the Corinthians. Do you know why? Because they are the testimony of God's power in that man who was so pathetically weak. While the Corinthians we getting sucked into the "powerful" testimonies of those who preached themselves, Paul finally broke down and gave them HIS credentials. And what were those credentials? It was that which was despised by those of importance.

For, I think, God has exhibited us apostles last of all, as men condemned to death; because we have become a spectacle to the world, both to angels and to men. We are fools for Christ's sake, but you are prudent in Christ; we are weak, but you are strong; you are distinguished, but we are without honor. To this present hour we are both hungry and thirsty, and are poorly clothed, and are roughly treated, and are homeless; and we toil, working with our own hands; when we are reviled, we bless; when we are persecuted, we endure; when we are slandered, we try to conciliate; we have become as the scum of the world, the dregs of all things, even until now. I do not write these things to shame you, but to admonish you as my beloved children. For if you were to have countless tutors in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I exhort you, be imitators of me. 1 Corinthians 4:9-16

Exhibited last of all and as condemned men. A spectacle to the world. Fools. Without honor. Hungry and thirsty, poorly clothed, roughly treated - homeless. Reviled, persecuted, slandered. AS THE SCUM OF THE WORLD, the dregs of all things. But he would have them to imitate him in this!!

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death works in us, but life in you. But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, 'I BELIEVED, THEREFORE I SPOKE,'' we also believe, therefore we also speak, knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:7-18

Paul called this incredible pain a "momentary, light affliction". "So death works in us, but life in you!" And in this he was overjoyed. It was not that he didn't want all his pain and persecution to go away, but that it simply would not. And in the everyday grind of the life he found himself in he was discovering the true life that refused to declare itself to the perceptions of sight.

My dear and precious brother, our Father has been loving you in his own unique way - even through the pain. Something tells me that since you can't get it to work for yourself makes it all so wonderfully real to you that this power is not of yourself, but truly of God. He hears you, be sure of that. There is no doubt, even by the small bit you wrote me, that God has been working POWERFULLY in your life!!!

Though I've had my own bouts with physical problems (relatively, leaves a lot unsaid) mostly, over the years, I have been left out to dry. Being continually rejected and despised is pretty rough on a friendly outgoing "people-person". Truthfully, it should have crushed me, but instead it has been for my strengthening.

For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps (in the suffering), 'who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth;' and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously; and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed. For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls. 1 Peter 2:21-25

The fact is that we have been healed already through the wounds of Christ on our behalf. For though the healing of the outer man is wonderful, it is merely a shadow of an inner healing of our very beings. We were plagued from within with a sickness that affected every single matter of our existence, and we strayed not only from all that is good, but also from the giver of goodness. The Father has taught me in so many ways of my former desperate condition, and I am coming to see what has happened to me in Christ as being so utterly amazing!!

For the Father to have allowed you to be a blessing in ministering His healing in the outward vessel for others, but to have left you totally inadequate to minister such healing to yourself is to convince you of your true adequacy IN HIM, and not in yourself. Brother, the Father brings us to experience the death from which life springs forth. Death working in us, life in those we minister to. He has been graciously stripping away all confidence from us, and we misunderstand it because it is so painful, but He brings us to believe ... and that is why we speak. Brother, you are blessed of God.


Dear Brother, I have read and re-read your reply many times.The phrase that strikes me like lightning every time I read it is "He has been stripping away all confidence from us,and we misunderstand it because it is so painful, but He brings us to believe... and that is why we speak." I have no confidence in myself, I know I have no ability, Christ in me is my only hope of glory.
I must be honest, I am a female, and my face has been badly scarred from a disease called lupus. From childhood women are taught that their beauty, or lack of it, determines their worth and when you lose that you are of no value. I personally want people to admire, praise, and adore the Jesus they see working in me, not what I look like on the outside. But some people cant get past staring at my 'light affliction'.
I want to thank you for taking the time to write back and for listening to our Lord. He definately spoke to me through you and I am grateful for the new revelations He has brought to me because of it.
I just finished reading my first issue of your newsletter with much enjoyment :)
One of His many 'favoured' Anonymous


this was exceedingly encouraging! I especially enjoyed the last response of the questioner! Great stuff Jim! Adam
theshovel's picture

I especially enjoyed that response as well in reading again after so long. :)


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Random Shovelquote: Asking God to remove your sin (view all shovelquotes)

Now, if any of you are hearing this with the spirit of condemnation hanging over your head, it’s only because you’re trying to hold on to two radically different propositions at the same time. It’s like trying to travel east and west simultaneously. But trying to do the one while believing we are still doing the other is the very thing that leaves us confused and paralyzed. You see, asking God to help you to remove your sin is built upon the assumption that Jesus Christ hasn’t already done it. source