You may feel the craziness happening around you, but you are actually in a very cool place!! Seriously! As I read the beginning of your letter I got a picture of one who is getting massive reality from God as so much of the confusion of your life is surfacing. What I'm hearing is the shaking of that confusion. Don't let it discourage you. Read your own letters back and you should be able to see some incredible revelation from God. I have come to look on the feelings of confusion in my life as intense times of breakthrough!
The struggle will only make it more real and clear to you. You may not be able to necessarily communicate a lot of the revelation to others, but it will continue to show itself as life in action!! Most of what I've come to share with others is the result of the accumulation of all these times of breakthrough. The most exciting part to me is that I find myself seeing so many of these former "problem passages" (a bogus term) just come to life without having considered them for years. Boom! It's just there ... so clear in front of me. But for most of my life I had to put most of them on "standby" until there came the miraculous clicks of connection.
Bro, your "clicks" are happening ... just don't miss them because you sense confusion. This confusion is just that piece of dirt in the corner that is resisting the broom. It is irritating because you see it and know it's there, but it's just holding on for dear life. You know, when the broom can't get at it sometimes you just gotta get down on your hands and knees and pick that piece out with another instrument. Learn to enjoy the reality that is happening right in front of your eyes! Because I'm telling you from my perspective, I'm loving it!! Thanx so much for letting me witness this whole thing!!
I'll get back with more, but I, at least, wanted to shoot this thought right off to you.