From a post I made on a discussion group.
This is meant as an encouragement, so if you sense anything else from it, please just hit "Delete" on this message and it will self-destruct! hahaha :)
I haven't read too much of the discussion on your situation about not hearing God (my regular mail reading takes me hours as it is!) so I may be misunderstanding much of what you're saying, so keep that in mind.
Having been born and raised in the tradition of a fine line of worriers I understand well your dilemma. The perception you have of not "hearing" God is definitely enough to keep you from sleeping ... and eventually, driving you insane. Actually, "insane" is a place I find myself in often ... as it comes from seeing the world and life from my own crazy perceptions. What is happening to you is the most logical thing that could be happening. Your conclusion of your thoughts is suggesting to you that you do not really know God at all ... since we all know there is a Bible verse that says,
My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me; John 10:27
The problem is that you are expecting the same thing that I have been expecting which is the same thing all of us have been expecting when we think about what it means to "hear His voice".
Many of us believers have gotten used to the idea that we will probably never hear the voice of God. Some of us even make things up because the need to feel validated by the Divine is too overwhelming for us.
Doctrines have been designed for this very purpose. Some explain why this is something that rarely happens ... some, why it never happens ANYMORE ... and some, why it only happens to some ... or ... you get the picture. These doctrines have become historically the greatest sources of contention. After all, if I have settled on an argument that explains how my hiccups are really God speaking to me, then ANYTHING you say to the contrary is your attempt to try to prove that God doesn't speak TO ME ... it has nothing really to do with my hiccups.
The truth of the matter is that this whole "hearing God's voice" issue just scares us silly. Because deep down inside I know that IF I CAN'T HEAR GOD THEN I HAVE NO REAL CONNECTION TO HIM. If I don't "hear" God then I am not of His sheep. Who knows, maybe that's why "counting sheep" became a method to put people to sleep as subconsciously each person was desperately looking to find "ME" in the line-up (just an odd thought)?
Am I important to God? Am I valuable? Do I have real worth? Do I have purpose? Does He really care about me? Does He really even KNOW me? If He knows me, why doesn't He talk to me? These are your real questions, sis. They are mine as well.
But what if He has been speaking the whole time? What if you have also been hearing Him the whole time? What if your EXPECTATION of what His Voice should sound like has NOTHING to do with it?
I'm sure you've heard the cute little story about the guy who got a note from Jesus telling him that He was coming to visit him. The guy tries to prepares himself for Jesus' visit but gets interrupted by hungry, homeless, troubled people where his preparations were given to help them. Jesus never shows up ... at least that's what the guy assumes. When he gets back home he finds a note from Jesus thanking him for his company that evening.
Yeah, we could draw some really weird conclusions from such a story, but it suggests something totally different from the expectations of the world:
- The voice of God is not what we expect it to be.
- It is not found in the extraordinary, but in the ordinary.
- It is the stuff of real life.
- It is not found in our religious construct.
- It is something that really happens, not something we make up.
- It is not bound by the rules of the world.
- The expectation of it will usually leave you disappointed.
We have something much, much better than receiving a few instances of "validation" that we hear God. We actually hear with the EARS of the Spirit. It speaks love to us ... and we love. It speaks peace to us ... and we are able to see one another apart from the walls that used to divide us. Somehow, we forget that this is NOT what we heard from the world. Just remember that this is the miraculous working of our God that has brought us into this place of "hearing". We really do hear Him, and He hears us, for we are sharers of His life.
Don't settle for some pathetic counterfeit that APPEARS to be hearing but isn't. We hear, and it is LIFE to us.